oh my darling, where do i go from here? I have thought about trying to move on but no one would ever be as great as you. No one would understand me like you did. You were always there for me, you were my strength. You taught me many lessons in life and i try and live a better life for it. It is so hard though. Each day i wake up in our bed, i look over to your side of the bed at night before i go to sleep and in a morning when i wake up, i suppose it is me wishing you were there, but your not and you never will be again. Oh god it hurts so much, we had so many things left to do, so many memories that should have been made. I also miss the kids, i know they used to get on my nerves sometimes but they were part of you and i miss that. I get up each morning and put my face on twice, once the smile and the i'm ok look then the second the actual make up to make it all believable. Oh you got your wish didn't you, you made me fat lol well i will get back to how i was, we were happy then you and me. Caitlin misses you every day, she still cries sometimes at school. Do me a favour please Andy, keep an eye on her and keep her safe and be strong for her aswell. Well, i suppose i will get off now for today. I wonder if you read this and if you do i wonder what you are saying. I love you darling, so much, please wait for me, hugs and kisses from me and caitlin xx